Shot Down in Stumptown

We've come to the end of the line. I was really psyched for Portland-- had high expectations. I'd always heard Portland was the cooler, laid-back little sister to Seattle. Since we loved Seattle so much Portland seemed like it would be the best way to end our trip.

Seemed.

J had a really good observation: "Portland is like a small town trying to be a big city. It's not really sure what it wants to do..." He's absolutely right. Even the people are somehow amiss.

I think I'll just sum up Portland with a tidy list of good and bad:

WHAT WE LOVED ABOUT PORTLAND
1. The bikes!
2. The city-sponsored recycling and composting programs! Curbside composting--great.
3. Arts and Crafts style homes
4. Gardens on every lawn and curb!
5. Powell's Books
6. Papa G's Vegan Deli

WHY PORTLAND'S NOT THE PLACE FOR US
1. The poor drivers (Everyone's used to bikes?)
2. The poor highways and urban planning (There's a river here? I can't see for the overpasses.)
3. Teenagers, young professionals, and retirees alike dressing like this:

Ya know, I get the hipster thing. It's great. It's vintage. It's rock. It's cool. It's thrifty (as in, economical and environmentally-conscious.) But when the WHOLE city dresses that way it loses the hip. And then it's just -ster, and that simply doesn't make any sense.

4. The Manhattan-wannabe Pearl District. The only place where you don't find hipsters--just chain retail. Boo! I miss the hipsters already.

5. An environment where "young professional" = "barista."

Basically, we love that Portland is so green, literally, and figuratively, in their environmental efforts. However, other than knowing that about itself, Portland is in sort-of an identity limbo. It's a city, but it's not. Great neighborhoods exist but are bordered by skeezy ones. People avoid the mainstream, but all seem the same. Tree-lined streets quickly turn to, ahem, "theater" districts (yeah, those kind of theaters), then turn back to residential again...

I'm just confused. I thought you'd be my best friend, Portland. I thought we'd hold hands and watch the sun rise over Mt. Hood. I thought you'd whisper tofu-scented environmental policies into my ear while directing me to the next hike. I thought I'd be returning home with one of those "love Oregon" stickers slapped on my bumper.

Alas, the East Coast has caught up with this girl (and guy) and we're ready to come home. Maybe it's because it's the end of the road, maybe it's because we're too steeped in East Coast pollution, maybe we stayed on the wrong side of the city or maybe it's because we're just not as liberal as we hoped we were, but Portland is, in our weary eyes, just a plaid-wearin' place where they leave their food scraps on their overgrown, weed-choked curbs and tell themselves it's the coolest place in the world.

Bitterness, out.